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There was the sound of a needle scratching on a record and the drum roll
started. Slowly, Wilbur began to stand up. Sweat poured down his face, and
terrible grunts and groans burst from him. With agonizing slowness, his
shoulders lifted the piano as he straightened his legs.
Mr. Sturgeon put an iron grip on his wife's camera. "Mildred, don't you dare
flash that thing in the boy's face!" he whispered tensely. "He'll drop our
piano  ouronly piano!"
The piano teetered dangerously on Wilbur's immense shoulders, as he stood
upright. The audience broke into a thunderous ovation. Mr. Sturgeon held his
breath while the Macdonald Hall strongman eased himself back onto his knees
and let the piano safely down onto the floor. Then and only then did Mrs.
Sturgeon stand up and snap a picture of Super Hackenschleimer panting and
flexing his muscles in victory.
"Well, what do you know!" exclaimed Boots O'Neal to himself in the wings.
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"Hecan lift a piano!"
His feeling of elation was instantly replaced by profound embarrassment.
Wilbur's act was finished, and that meant it was time for 'the ugliest man in
the world' routine. Boots would have given a great deal to avoid it, but he
pictured himself at York Academy and knew he couldn't let Bruno down. Not now.
"And now, ladies and gentlemen, a special treat," he heard Bruno say. "The
famous Melvin P. O'Neal of Macdonald Hall  who plans tostay at Macdonald Hall
 has searched the world over and found the person who is, without question,
the ugliest man in the world. Bring him out, Mr. O'Neal."
Boots appeared, leading one of the stage hands who had a towel draped over
his head.
"Is this the ugliest man in the world?" Bruno asked.
Boots nodded miserably.
"Are you going to allow anyone to look at the ugliest man in the world?"
Again Boots nodded miserably.
Hughie, one of the soft-shoe dancers, approached the ugliest man in the
world, peeked under the towel, cried out in horror and fell to the stage in a
dead faint.
Next Cathy Burton marched out, wearing a full-length raincoat. She lifted the
towel, let out a shriek that raised the audience out of their seats, and
collapsed beside Hughie.
"What's all this?" Bruno exclaimed. "He can't be that bad. I'll have to see
for myself."
Bruno walked over as the others had done, lifted the towel and peeked inside.
The ugliest man in the world screamed and fainted.
Waves of laughter and applause rolled across the audience and reached the
stage.
Boots was astounded. "I thought it was going to be terrible!" he blurted out,
right into the microphone. "They're laughing! You may be a genius after all!"
The laughter doubled as Boots's exclamation was carried throughout the
auditorium. The dreaded 'ugliest man in the world' routine was a smash hit.
"There's a lot more to come," Bruno announced when order was restored,
"including the drawing for our door prize and, finally, the fabulous
Scrimmettes. But first we'll have a fifteen minute intermission. Don't go
away." And the curtain closed to engulf him.
Down the aisles rolled the dining room tea wagons, manned by students who
were chanting: "Ice cold orangeade, ten cents! Get your fresh and delicious
Scrim-cakes here! Fifteen cents!"
The idea of selling drinks and cupcakes at intermission had come from Wilbur
Hackenschleimer, who had been unable to imagine anyone sitting through an
entire performance without food. Bruno had charmed the orangeade out of the
Macdonald Hall kitchen staff. The Scrim-cakes had been baked in Miss
Scrimmage's cooking class.
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Bruno and Boots had been delighted with the idea because it provided another
source of revenue. This was the first Mr. Sturgeon had heard of it, however.
As he bit into a rather hard cupcake, he reflected that although he had given
permission for this talent show, he had been consulted on very little else.
"Aren't these delicious!" Mrs. Sturgeon exclaimed, much to the delight of
Miss Scrimmage, who was very proud of the accomplishments of her girls.
Backstage, Bruno was met by a white-faced Boots O'Neal. "Bruno, come quick!"
he practically gibbered. "The Scrimmettes! They used the scissors to  "
"Not now," Bruno interrupted. "Intermission is almost over."
"But Bruno, we'll be expelled!"
"Why should we be expelled? The show is great! Where's Sidney? I'm going out
to introduce him."
Bruno walked out on stage. "Hello again, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you
enjoyed your little snack. Next from our all-star cast we have for you our
juggler, Old Butterfingers  ha, ha, little joke there  Sidney Rampulsky!"
Sidney started out with Indian clubs, and after a perfect performance,
switched to eggs. He' was doing fine with first three and then four eggs until
an enraptured Mrs. Sturgeon jumped up and snapped his picture, disrupting his
concentration. The eggs flew from his hands and, one by one, as though aimed
by an evil spirit, splattered against Miss Scrimmage's face. When the
blindness caused by the flashbulb faded from his eyes and he saw what he had
done, Sidney Butterfingers Rampulsky turned and ran. The audience lapsed into
an embarassed silence.
As usual, it was Bruno who broke the ice. "We can have a few minutes delay,"
he offered, "in case anyone wants to  uh  go to the bathroom and wash
egg-yolk off her face."
Miss Scrimmage rushed up the aisle, followed by a solicitous Mrs. Sturgeon.
The Headmaster beckoned to Bruno. "I don't suppose anyone thought to have
those eggs hard-boiled," he said sarcastically.
"Well, no, sir," Bruno replied. "We never thought Butterfingers was going to
throw them at anyone."
Mr. Sturgeon grimaced. "I trust there will be no more surprises this
evening?"
"Of course not, sir. Everything's going to be fine."
In a few minutes the ladies returned to their seats and Bruno introduced
Marie Latousse, virtuoso of the concert piano. Marie, a junior student at Miss
Scrimmage's, played the piece she had been rehearsing for two weeks  "Hot [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]