[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

 No, I don t, he shot back,  because you wouldn t confide in me. I would have done
anything in my power to help you. Anything, if I could have, if I had only known. You lied! By
keeping quiet about all these things that were hurting you, you lied to me, you didn t give me
truth.
 I didn t give you truth? I turned on him and started to hit him as hard as I could. Of
course, I was pathetically weak, and he quickly had my hands pinned.
 Enough. You need to relax. You need to be regaining your strength. You have a baby to
care for now, our baby. You need to rest.
 What I need is for you to go far away from me, because you re an awful, horrible,
dishonest person, and the biggest liar and hypocrite I ve ever met, and the last thing I want is
your fucking baby, because I never want to fucking look at you again.
My voice broke off after that long diatribe. I was exhausted but he still stood there beside
me, his own face tired and drawn.
 You don t mean that. You re angry now, I understand. You just need some time to calm
down. I m sorry, Lucy, that things had to happen this way 
 I hate you, I cut him off.
 You don t, he said after a moment,  and this is the most dishonest conversation we ve
ever had. I m not sorry, actually. I m excited that we re having a baby. And I don t think you
hate me. I know you don t.
 I mean every word I just said to you. You make me sick. You really do. The way you went
on and on about how important truth was to you. Do you remember how you felt when you
discovered your last girlfriend lied to you for so long? That s exactly how I feel now. I really,
truly do hate you and I m not going to be in a relationship with you again, and that s the bitter
truth, not that you would recognize truth if it bit you on the ass 
 Lucy, enough! You re tired, you re angry.
 No, I m not angry, I m not tired! You know what I am, Matthew? I m defeated. I m done.
My career is over. The love I had for you is gone, completely gone. I m carrying a baby I don t
want, that I m probably just going to get rid of, and then I ll have to live with that guilt my whole
fucking life even though it was your fault. But I prefer that to living with you, to having a baby
with you after what you did to me, this awful disregard for me, this rape of my life 
 Lucy, he cautioned,  do not. Do not call it that.
 That s what it is, so just...go. I m done. There were a lot of things you did to me that hurt,
but I liked them, I wanted them. But this, I don t want it. I keep waiting to wake up and find it
was all just a dream.
 I know. I m sorry. I m really, really sorry. What I did was wrong, but what s done is done.
You know I didn t do it to hurt you. And I didn t...I really...I only half thought it would work.
 But it didn t half work, because you didn t half do it, did you? You did it all the way. You
came inside me while I wasn t even conscious, Matthew! What s wrong with you?
 Four times, he murmured.
 What?
 I came inside you four times, actually.
 Oh, four times. That s just great. Congratulations, I said sarcastically.  Your guys can
swim, you must be so proud. But I m not having your fucking baby. Not a fucking chance. No.
 Grégoire told me you didn t believe in abortion.
 I didn t, until now. Now I think maybe in cases of rape it s justified.
 I didn t rape you!
 Yes, you did! It sure as hell wasn t consensual!
 Rape is something else, Lucy. It isn t done with love. It isn t done to help someone 
 I fucking know what rape is! Believe me, I know. No one knows better than me, because
I ve been there, and now I feel like I m right back there again.
 Oh Jesus, Lucy, please.
I turned away from him.
 What can I do? He tried to take my hand, but I pulled it away, pulled myself as far away
from him as I could.
 Leave or I ll call the nurse.
 Let s talk about things again in a few days. Things might look different in a few days.
 No, things are very clear right now. I stared at the light blue wallpaper on the wall, the
wallpaper that was the same pale blue color as his eyes.  I m done. I know that. I m sure of it.
This has gone too far for me. Mercy, Matthew. Mercy, okay? Mercy makes it end, that s what
you told me once. I want it to end. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]