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London, which Ernie Katz, L.K. and W.M. also attended, and at
which we met Stan Grof and many others. And then I took the
children sightseeing.
 & On August 22nd the children and I were at Stratford-on-Avon
to see Richard III. W.M. was there, too, and we hired a car the
next day to go out to Anne Hathaway's cottage, to drive to
Stonehenge, and to London that night& we arrived at Stonehenge at
6:45, not knowing that the monument closed at 7. It was just as
magnificent as I had remembered it from the distance; when we got
there W.M. and I took 5 mg. methedrine/10 #3& We took it expecting
to be able to stay several hours& by dragging our feet to be there
about 30 minutes in all& I began to feel mine just before we left.
It was a clear day but with clouds as though there were rain in
the offing and the sun came down steel gray with yellow and some
purple. It was magnificent -- the wind, the feeling of clean-
sweptness on the plains and the uninterrupted expanse of sky like
a crystal bowl over us. And the overwhelming feeling of
Stonehenge. However, the real experience was to come& When we went
back we found everything locked up and supposedly electrified wire
around. The monument was illuminated as though by floodlight --
cars would park and leave their headlights on& It was eerie,
spectacular, awesome and magnificent& Even more inside& We went far
upfield, crawled over and around barbed wire, then ran across the
field, being very careful to step over the wires which were
possibly electrified& We had to be careful not to be caught in the
headlight beams, so this meant dodging from huge stone to huge
stone, but we were able to stand beside the center ones and see it
bathed in the floodlight-- and then over across the field the moon
broke through a rift in the clouds -- not the moon itself but the
rays of the moon. It was indescribable; I wish the Druids could
have seen it this way -- or whoever put up the monument& not much
evaluation of propellant effect, but profound effect."
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 "Not so for Chartres. (August 26, 1964) There the propellant
really added to the majesty of the cathedral and wafted me upward
into the transcendental, but including the horizontal in a great
unity. It was the second time this particular European trip we,
the four of us, had been in Chartres [which] was profoundly
moving, and we were in tears. The kids took a look and went off
poking around the town& We had taken the propellant just before
going into the crypt (of the pagan virgin on whose shrine the
church was built), so it was about 45 minutes later in the church.
It was working strongly for me (I think I had the same light one
and W.M. two of the light ones), and I have never experienced
Chartres cathedral so deeply and so fully& the whole experience was
a totality of all the unities which are possible& there were
certain windows which I found more transporting than others.
There was also the sweeping height of the columns straight to the
arched roof which seemed to be in the firmament. It is difficult
to describe the exalted, unitary whole (as in full) feeling. Also
the altar of the dark virgin with all its candles alight was very
moving. We lit candles there for everyone, just as we had before,
but this time I put my candle on the top row and it stood tall and
high with its flame the first to pierce the darkness. Then
suddenly we heard singing, and it was a procession of nuns. They
were evidently practicing for some consecration of commitment and
sat and then a few would go up at a time and go through a
ceremony. We stood, sat, and knelt through this extraordinary
experience -- alone in the church with them (we found ourselves
locked in when we started to leave, and it was like something
suspended in time of which we were a part and yet not a part."
When we returned to Paris, I had a phone call from La.B. at
our house that we should come home immediately, as Will was dying
-- a completely opposite message he had sent us in a letter.
WATER SESSION at W.S. s, September 26, 1964 (written (10/4)
It was what we called a work session -- a real work session.
In fact, almost all of them were. I can't count the times when we
swore that we were going to have a fun session -- no problems --
only to work throughout the whole group session on one problem
after another. But there was one session that was almost pure fun
-- which we called "The Water Session" on September 26, 1964.
I returned from five weeks in Europe -- mainly attending the
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Conference in London -- to find Will desperately ill (contrary to
the letter I had had from him) and the fact that a number of
members of group had been acting out while I was gone. I thought
for a while that the session wouldn't take place at all because of
Will's critical illness.
"By Saturday morning, everything was done& Everyone had pulled
up and was eager to participate. As soon as I saw that morning
that Will was going to live through the day (and when) I visited
him, he had no objection to the session, in fact was somewhat
interested, I looked forward to (the session) as much as everybody
else& 
"After the reservations -- or was it before? we set the theme
of the session. The code word of the week had been obedience --
that theme occurred in all of us over and over in conjunction with
ourselves and each other. When W.M. awoke that morning the
analogy of the orchestra came to him and he told us of it and
developed the theme beautifully.
"It is as if we are all playing instruments, and we must play
the instruments with which we come to the concert -- if a string
breaks, one does the best one can. It is the harmony of the whole
which counts; it is the order of the music which one must obey.
The conductor is just as much under authority as any of the
musicians -- the music is the higher order, the harmony of law and
order and performing in unison. If the musicians disagree, at the
concert they don't get into a fight with each other; they follow
what the conductor indicates. No one instrument predominates when
all are playing together -- sometimes as in concerti, there is a
soloist& sometimes there are passages where one instrument or
another plays solo. But the solo part is always subordinate to
the harmony of the whole. Also, for a concert, every musician is
expected to have his instrument tuned and in condition; he comes
and takes it out of its protective covering -- at the session we
open ourselves, and the music plays itself -- it plays the
musicians, plays though them and via the conductor. Wonderful
analogy.
"I think then they had me say something further about the
irrational& And then we talked again of how structure sets in habit
patterns so that energy is released for further exploration and
growth. The child takes much energy to plant one foot in front of
the other when learning to walk; it takes time to decide which
sock to put on first. As we incorporate these into automatic
action, energy is freed for more creative actions, explorations,
growths. We progressively set order into our lives -- order,
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truth, simplicity -- so that we can go beyond. And I explained
again how I see the value of obeying what we think to be
irrational authority. If we obey only the known, we live only
within the realm of logic, the mind, our own knowns. Obviously we
defend against the unknown, against change. However, in
committing to an authority we trust, a situation we have found to
be valid (the group) we can afford to obey instantly no matter how
irrational (or shitty) the order appears to be. This experience
gives us trust of the unknown; it opens us up to the irrational.
When we obey instantly, then we are indeed on the way to becoming
instruments of the creative -- instruments for expression of the
deeper unconscious -- and true creative productivity begins to [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]